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Thread: Hello!

  1. #1
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    Hello!

    Hi, guess I'm the first. Looks like a great forum. Looking forward to sharing our stories here.

    Guess I might as well start. I'm here for Mike. He's my son. Or was. He passed away this last February. Not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. He was full of life, that is until the Monstor took him. He was only 31 years old. 31 - not a lot of life lived in just 31 years, especially when you start sleeping with the Monster when you're 14.

    Nothing shuts you down quite like shame. Don't let it strip you of your humanity. Everyone is redeemable. No matter what you did, what was done to you on on your behalf, you can overcome.

    My shame stems from the big question, WHY? Why him? Why us? What could I have done differently? My family comes from a long line of educators. How could we - our family - have missed the signs along the ardous process of his affair with the Monster? We never saw it coming, that is, until we got the know on our door.

    That's my story, anyway. It's a lie. In all actuality, I contributed to the WHY. My shame stems from those early days, when Mike was unusually sullen and defensive. He'd blow up at any little question about his friends, or where they were going. Guess it was easier to just let him go with his buddies, than to confront him.

    What if I would have been a real man, a real dad, and actually parented my child. Parents must do hard things sometimes. We can always be their friend. We must be strong enough to buffer the winds of conflict and drama to reach out and rescue.

    Anyway, I'll be looking around. I'm sure I'm going to stay. I'm on a mission. I wasn't able to save my child, but I may be able to help someone else's.
    mcd2830 and kitwarelotus like this.

  2. #2
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    Hi holyjames62,
    Thanks for sharing your story. We appreciate your openness at discussing such a raw experience. Please feel free to look around. You did the right thing by opening this thread - all are welcome to share however much they feel comfortable doing. This is a safe place. We will not judge. Personally, I believe judgement is God's job and nobody else's. We're all human, with our own frailities and imperfections, and it's nearly impossible to see things without any preconceived ideas... that's just the way it is!

    We've got lots of people here, and most are simply looking around until they see something that moves them enough to get out of their comfort zone, or feel comfortable/driven enough to speak. THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM HERE!

    They can read as much as they like. Naturally, in order for us to know what they specifically need, they might have to make suggestions, or ask us by private message, or simply post somewhere. We trust that'll happen when they're ready.



    82bdeacdee9702c56a65377bd503162d.jpg
    kitwarelotus likes this.

  3. #3
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    nice

    Nice to be here. Feeling good vibes. Thanks

  4. #4
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    James, Im soooo sorry about Mike. I also not only am in recovery myself but have a few sons with addiction issues ones in prison it's very very hard. YOU did NOTHING wrong!!!
    First of all we didnt come with any "parent 101" handbook, and certainly not one that included chapters on dealing with mental illness, addiction, much less hiv, etc. Unless you have something like this happen personally in your family I dont think any and all education in the world would prepare you for the challenge and often tragic devastation.
    The shame for a long time, for decades, has been the silence so I personally tho no expert think you're doing the right thing now which is sharing with others without shame. Silence with addiction in families is deadly, with communication and openness about this disease we not only find support and empathy but also tools, knowledge and some answers we may not have had.
    There is sadly no cure for addiction, and it is a deadly disease. There is recovery, much like remission in cancer for some but it's not easy and it's not so readily available to many yet either.
    My prayers and thoughts with you, I read and reread your post...I've lost many to addiction, family and friends. I believe they are at peace now, they no longer carry a ball and chain struggling daily and are with our Lord and Savior. I know they want us to be at peace as well, knowing that. God Bless!
    4tRACY520 and mcd2830 like this.

  5. #5
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    James, reaching out to you.

    Hey James,wow. Thanks for telling it like it is. I'm with tracy & babydoll. You'd didn't do anything wrong! That shame is the LIE, dont let it fool you. You sounded like a parent, living in the real world, trying to deal with a kid who had a problem.

    You know how rhey say booze is the gateway drug.. but it usually starts there, with a sip. I got lots of family who are hooked on alcohol. Lots of family died from renal failure or kidney disease or diabetes with alcohol-related problems. It's hard.

    Like you said, parents must do hard things. You're still Mike's dad, and you ARE doing something about it...your fighting to help another. That's awsome!

    Quote Originally Posted by holyjames62 View Post
    Hi, guess I'm the first. Looks like a great forum. Looking forward to sharing our stories here.

    Guess I might as well start. I'm here for Mike. He's my son. Or was. He passed away this last February. Not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. He was full of life, that is until the Monstor took him. He was only 31 years old. 31 - not a lot of life lived in just 31 years, especially when you start sleeping with the Monster when you're 14.

    Nothing shuts you down quite like shame. Don't let it strip you of your humanity. Everyone is redeemable. No matter what you did, what was done to you on on your behalf, you can overcome.

    My shame stems from the big question, WHY? Why him? Why us? What could I have done differently? My family comes from a long line of educators. How could we - our family - have missed the signs along the ardous process of his affair with the Monster? We never saw it coming, that is, until we got the know on our door.

    That's my story, anyway. It's a lie. In all actuality, I contributed to the WHY. My shame stems from those early days, when Mike was unusually sullen and defensive. He'd blow up at any little question about his friends, or where they were going. Guess it was easier to just let him go with his buddies, than to confront him.

    What if I would have been a real man, a real dad, and actually parented my child. Parents must do hard things sometimes. We can always be their friend. We must be strong enough to buffer the winds of conflict and drama to reach out and rescue.

    Anyway, I'll be looking around. I'm sure I'm going to stay. I'm on a mission. I wasn't able to save my child, but I may be able to help someone else's.
    4tRACY520 likes this.

  6. #6
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    Love it

    Great post, babydoll. Just had to say..

    So glad i got this forum to talk to and the people really know.
    4tRACY520 likes this.

  7. #7
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    Thank you mcd!!!

    I think it's really really hard for parents with addicted kids who aren't an addict themselves...I see it alot, I have kids and I have a kid who got addicted to heroin and I'm an addict/alcoholic in recovery and honestly I didnt know what to do!!! You'd think I'd have all the answers but NOT!!! And it's really really hard as a parent to see addiction in your child, but you dont WANT to!!! I was like in denial big time for a long time!!

    My kid is in prison, he gets out tho in 15 days...yea!!!! He in prison for "delivery", he brought his girlfriend at the time a lil heroin he didnt know she'd been popping benzos all day she immediately stopped breathing. He did cpr for 20 min, called 911, he saved her life...he got 15 months in prison...I told him he gets a gold medal and a ticket into heaven, but here in the US he nearly got a homicide charge!!! He got sober tho, he's 21 and he's my hero!!! He's got nearly 15 months of pure, earned and deserved sobriety now!!! Amen right??!!!

    And as for HolyJames, I myself dont think I could have done anything more than I did for my kid to get him sober. We tried EVERYTHING...rehabs, detoxs, home detox, meetings, etc etc etc and he was struggling....prison gave him a chance ironically, had he not gone I dont know that he would be here today....heroin is the "apple on the tree" as far as drugs go. They told me that at my first rehab when I was 14, that 1/1 people that shoot heroin get addicted! I took it to heart, I did heroin in my addiction time but I've never ever shot up and I'm still here to chat about it in a sobriety room online.

    It's very very hard if not impossible I believe to quit using heroin after shooting it...willingness is the key but I believe it's much more than that I believe these younger adults have to commit some real time to rehab not 28 days more like 6 months to a year to truly have a chance at sobriety. And most of us parents dont have that kinda cash, so I guess like for my son prison was a blessing.

    Prayers to you all!!

    tdb
    4tRACY520 and mcd2830 like this.

  8. #8
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    Babydoll,

    You truly are inspirational! I'm sure there's much more to your story... I sense a lot of hard-earned wisdom in your writing. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. There are many people here who, I certainly don't need to tell you, who are hurting down to their very core. Your shared experiences, although possibly painful to share since it probably open's Pandora's box - a flood of memories - are so important to share. To those who listen, they mean life over death. I don't mean to sound so dramatic, but when people are living on the edge, they ARE at death's door.


    I wanted to also tell you how happy I am, that you get to see your son again very soon, it sounds like. Wow, that must be so precious to you! Perhaps you're right, prison is the only way to "get clean", for those who have few financial resources. It's sad, really; I believe the reason it's that way is due to ignorance. So, how to overcome ignorance? Through education! We need to have enough people be able to advocate for those who cannot or will not do it for themselves, either due to incapacity, or poverty, or shame.

    Once again, thank you so much for sharing yourself in our forum. Your compassionate and loving gift shines through.

    You'll have to tell us all about when you finally get to see your son free.

    ~4tRACY520
    Last edited by 4tRACY520; 05-24-2016 at 02:36 AM. Reason: timed out
    mcd2830 likes this.

  9. #9
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    Babydoll,

    I meant to ask you, what's the date your son is getting out?
    mcd2830 likes this.

  10. #10
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    Hey, Gettin' Set Up for a...


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