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Thread: Hello Community I am the owner of SoberandRecoveryHotline.com

  1. #21
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    question

    so, let me get this straight.

    all you people are here to get OFF drugs?

    why?

    drugs are my life. I love it when im flying high.

    will i get kicked off? lets see how tolerant you people are.


    and i am not a robot... geeeeezz!

  2. #22
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    Guess you want a intro

    OK, since I figured out this is a STOP DRUGS/DRINK FORUM, here’s my story. Deal with it.

    It started with weed when I was 12, then the pills (Ecstasy) and acid, making cocktails of all sorts of drugs, even overdosing to make the rushes last longer. If you asked me for my favorite, it’s cocaine and then meth.

    I took copious amounts of these chemicals every day for as long as two years until I had a bad trip one night and went into toxic psychosis. I prayed and cried for this feeling to go away, I had voices in my head, had the shakes and couldn't leave my john’s house for six months.

    I became very withdrawn and thought everyone was watching me. I couldn’t walk in public places. Man! I couldn’t even drive.

    I ended up homeless and on the streets, living and sleeping in a cardboard box, begging and struggling to find ways to get my next meal.

    Finally, another john helped me out. He put me up in a apartment that was full of every cockroach imaginable, including the human kind. I even had cops hitting on me.

    So I figured, I ain’t giving it out for free anymore. My john gave me a cell phone and I started my business, a real business woman, haha. I was very successful for a while, meeting up with 20-30 a day on good days, and 5-6 on bad.

    Either way, it didn’t matter much since it was all going to buy “cocktails”. It didn’t matter what I took, just that I was high on something.

    None of you people would understand that, in your comfortable glass houses. You’d be surprised – especially you ladies – of what fantasies your “faithful” husbands and boyfriends have going on. Oh yeah, I play good.

    Before anybody gets all excited about “new blood” here in this forum, I want you to know something. You’re really NOT all that.

    No, I’m here because a john is paying me for every post I write in here. So I’ll be taking screenshots of my every post.

    Don’t bother trying to help me. That’s not part of the plan or agreement. He doesn’t care what I write, as long as I write.

    So, I’m here. No offense, ladies, but I’m not here to be saved. Just working for a living.


    and I'm STILL not a robot.

  3. #23
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    Welcome

    Hi Mediaworld97,

    Thanks for the introduction! Let me be the first to welcome you to our forum. Each person here has their own reasons for being here, just as each person has their own experiences. We are all more similar than different, however. I'm sure there's someone who can relate to your story, more so than others can, but the truth is, we're all here because we've been affected by drug and/or alcohol.

    Some of us have come from stable family environments, but most of us appear to have broken childhoods. In any case, as individuals living with addictions - acknowledged or not - we are encouraged to share our experiences.

    This is for several reasons: 1, to attempt to forwarn others to not go down our path of sorrow and destruction, 2, to express our own personal hurts and relieve some of our pain, 3, sometimes, by expressing ourselves here, we find that our pain is not so different that others, that others have overcome such odds, and perhaps even excelled in their recovery, 4, to see how, by sharing our stories, we can be comforted by complete strangers in a non-invasive, safe environment, such as this forum, and 5, I'm sure there are more reasons, but you get the picture, I'm sure.

    We are individuals who have come together to share a human experience. It is surrounded by the word, "addiction". We've all been touched by that word, either through personal experiences, or by watching loved ones go through it. Some of us realized both.

    This forum was created out of the desire to touch another's heart. To help support a person's desire to change their circumstances, in however small way it can.

    We are grateful for each member who shares their stories - both by posting comments AND by reading those comments. There is a great spirit of love and support here, and it is felt when one reads comments.

    One thing this forum strives hard to avoid is promoting bigotry, being judgemental. There's only been one individual on the face to this planet's history, that's been perfect, led a perfect live. And it's not us. We all are human, with human frailties, weaknesses, faults, sins - whatever we want to call them.

    We cannot judge. Although it may be tempting - that's yet another fault - we must be careful to not judge. We all have baggage, dirty little secrets. Our job is not to point others' baggage, but to learn from another's mistakes. And grow.

    Welcome, everyone. I don't see us as a "melting pot". No, we're a fruit salad, one with all the variety of flavor and natural beauty that is unique to us, individually. We come together in our great variety to create a community of love and support that each of us can attach to. We can learn from each other, and teach each other.

    Thanks for being here. And sharing by either writing or reading. Either way helps us help you. That ultimately is the purpose of this forum.

    ~4tRACY
    Welcome. Please know this is a safe place. Feel free to share.

    ~4tRACY520

  4. #24
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    Hey, Media

    Hey girlfriend! I'm in Louisiana. Just saw your pic..wow! I wanna go to San Diego! haha, jk. I'd miss my gumbo and boudin!

    Hey, what Tracy said. Good stuff. Glad you're here. If you need anything, just pm me.

    Tracy, speak for yourself. I'm not a fruit salad, haha. I'm a fruit!

    fruit.salad.jpg


    just kidding, cher
    mediaworld97 likes this.

  5. #25
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    lol

    Quote Originally Posted by mcd2830 View Post
    Hey girlfriend! I'm in Louisiana. Just saw your pic..wow! I wanna go to San Diego! haha, jk. I'd miss my gumbo and boudin!

    Hey, what Tracy said. Good stuff. Glad you're here. If you need anything, just pm me.

    Tracy, speak for yourself. I'm not a fruit salad, haha. I'm a fruit!

    fruit.salad.jpg



    just kidding, cher
    I've got to tell you, when I was writing that sentance, MCD, I thought of YOU. I was wondering how long it'd take before you'd make a connection to fruit. You surprised me!

    Your come-back speed is amazing!

    You should study comedy!

    In any case, I love your gaiety and lightness you bring to the forum. We're talking about some very painful, hard subjects here, and it helps to relax a bit.

    Thanks again for your comments, dear.

    ~4tRACY
    Welcome. Please know this is a safe place. Feel free to share.

    ~4tRACY520

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by mediaworld97 View Post
    so, let me get this straight.

    all you people are here to get OFF drugs?

    why?

    drugs are my life. I love it when im flying high.

    will i get kicked off? lets see how tolerant you people are.


    and i am not a robot... geeeeezz!
    Hey media.

    Are you using now?

    Just curious, you know.

    I find it kinda strange that your john is paying you to write in a forum that is titled sober and recovery hotline.

    Just asking. (Remember, this IS an anonomos site. By the way, is that pic really of you? Says youre 19?)

    Oh and mdc, you're funny

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by pollekjames View Post
    Hey media.

    Are you using now?

    Just curious, you know.

    I find it kinda strange that your john is paying you to write in a forum that is titled sober and recovery hotline.

    Just asking. (Remember, this IS an anonomos site. By the way, is that pic really of you? Says youre 19?)

    Oh and mdc, you're funny
    Are you hitting on me?!? Yes, that's my pic. Maybe I should take it off if its too distracting for you?

    I did some thinking. Guess I was a little upset when I came on. We had a big fight and he was going to kick me out. Told me that I was using too much and I needed to clean up my act...which means, YES, I'm using.

    Guess it shows. He's going to read this and I hope he sees that I want to change. (HINT: this is my apology. That's all I can give right now.)

    I'm screwed. If I don't get clean, I'll be out on the street. I can't do that again. I just can't. If that happens I don't think I'll survive very long. If you've never been homeless - It's hard. Really really hard. It wasnt so bad a few years ago, but there's so many animals out there now. And I'm not talking about the 4-legged kind.

    Two weeks before I moved in here, my girlfriend of 7 years was skinned alive and left to die on the beach. The cops say she was gang raped and tortured. I was supposed to be with her that night. But I was too sick from the Adam and Eve party the night before. (For those who dont know it's MDMA and MDEA)

    OK, so I'm here because I'm using and my john wants me to slow down. I don't remember the last time I wasn't high or loaded on something.

    Yesterday, two people OD'd and I had to clean up after them. I just don't know if I can ever get clean. Been using too long.

    I gotta go. I can't sit still in this damn chair.

  8. #28
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    Mediaworld97, You're in the Right Place

    Thanks for sharing your story, Mediaworld97.

    You've certainly got a lot on your plate for such a young lady. As a member of this forum, I'd like to offer my hand of fellowship to you. Frankly, you need a friend. The kind of friend that can help you in a sincere way, and there are several who are willing and capable in filling that need, if you let them.

    Thanks for your honesty. You seem to be experiencing something that appears to be overwhelming you. Let us help, please. It may not seem clear now, but there really are people in this world with no motive other than to help in whatever way they can, to lift another's spirits.

    You mentioned you were using. I may be wrong, but it seems that you are a multi-drug user. I wonder if using stimulants such as cocaine and methamphetamines are causing you to feel more anxious than normal. These two drugs, in particular, have a way of making some people more aggressive and angry. This "rage" type behavior is due to experiencing something called "fight or flight" response. If you've never heard of "fight or flight" responses, it is a state in the body where one feels a constant threat and therefore, must either run away or fight. See more here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fight-or-flight_response

    The leading cause of death for meth and cocaine addicts are violence, suicide, and accident, all of which are very violent.

    Medically speaking, this is due to toxic alterations of the neurotransmitters, dopamine and norepinephrine. This increased level of those 2 neurotransmitters creates a state of hyperarousal, i.e. "flight or fight". Whether the danger is real or perceived, the brain cannot tell the difference. Eventually, this increased state of arousal leads to paranoia.

    Like I said, you are in the right place. A place of safety. Anything you say here is confidential. We are all struggling with issues surrounding addiction, whether anothers' or our own.

    Please take a look around. There are many things here that are offerred freely. The greatest of all is our compassion. There is much practical help too.

    If you or anyone wish to see something discussed that is not here, just let us know by pm or post it on the forum.

    It's getting late. I'd love to chat with you some more, as I'm sure many of us would. I'll check in tomorrow if you have any questions.

    Thanks again for trusting us enough to open up.

    ~4tRACY
    Welcome. Please know this is a safe place. Feel free to share.

    ~4tRACY520

  9. #29
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    Media, why are you with a john? Where is your family? Can you get away from this guy? Well, he sounds like he cares for you. I just wish you'd be safe. You look like my little sister who is 19. If she was in your situation it would tear my heart out. Does your family know? Your mom?

    What tracey said is all true. I can't say the medical stuff cuz im not a nurse like her, but I had a boyfriend who was a crackhead. He had huge rages, all the time. For little things. I got so scared I ended up leaving him after he killed my puppy.

    Ok it was a accident but it was too scary. He got me a puppy for my birthday, a cute lab mix. I loved that puppy so much. We were potty training him but he had a hard time. One day he my boyfriend saw him get ready to pee on the floor and the next thing i knew my boyfriend threw the puppy against the wall.

    Well really my boyfriend meant to scare the pup but it was like he had super strength and he used too much strength when he threw the dog across the room. The dog slid across the hardwood floor and hit the wall. I think it broke his back cuz he couldnt get up. We were both crying, all 3 of us.

    My boyfriend did a crazy thing. He took a hammer to his head. There's still a hole in the concrete floor. It was the back porch.

    That really scared me. So much that I left that next day.

    I heard a couple months ago that he jumped off the overpass and was killed. His body was dragged all over the freeway, they say hit by 35 cars. His mom had a heart attach and died 3 days later from all her pain.

    Im sorry I tellying all this crap but when i read your posts i thought of him. Media, I want to be your friend. Whatever i can do to help you get straight or whatever you need just send me a message.

    Everything tracey said was true. About the forum, there are people that know what youre going through. Check out babydoll's story. I shouldnt start naming names cuz theres just too many that can help.

    Ok i gotta get going. but im glad youre here. if thers anything i can do to help just let me know.
    4tRACY520 likes this.

  10. #30
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    Mediaworld97,

    I have a couple of questions and a comment, if you don't mind my asking. I'm asking, because I sense you may have trust issues with men my age. If that's not the case, sorry for my presumptiveness.

    Since you've been taking drugs since the age of 12 years, is your dad in your life - rather, was he in your life then? I have three children. I am divorced, so I know there can be a variety of reasons your dad may not be involved in your life. May I ask, if you don't mind, about your relationship with him?

    Without sounding crass, I wonder if these so-called "johns" are a replacement, so to speak, of your father. I have ideas that I'd like to share with you, once you choose to reply, if you will.

    If I could be so bold - the choices you've made, along with other's choices, have put you in a very vulnerable position. When I looked into your eyes in your photo, I saw the face of a beautiful young woman who has endured much. Perhaps by her own choice, perhaps not.

    If you're tired of wondering why your heart isn't healing, why things are the way they are... there is hope. No matter where you are in the spectrum of humanity, there is ALWAYS hope.

    Take advantage of the opportunities offered you that work for good in your life. There is much good in this world, but it can be overshadowed by many things: addictions, relationship issues, so on.

    Baby steps. Take advantage of those opportunities but work towards small increments of change, rather than massive moves. It didn't take a day to be in your situation; it won't take a day to fix everything.

    In that light, be patient with yourself. Learn to prioritize. Take THE most important task to work on now; once you're satisfied by your progress in that original task, then it's time to work on the next.

    Now I know from your comments that you are leery of "cockroaches, the two-legged kind". I realize you have no reason to trust ANYTHING I'm saying. There's simply no way for you to know for a surity what my intentions are.

    I have a 19-year-old. I would want someone to tell my 19-year-old the things I'm telling you now. That's it. No other motive. Period.

    Take my words at face value. Think on them as though a kind person who is sincere sharing their heart with you... nothing expected.

    Please come back frequently to this forum. I'm sure there are people here who can help you. Tracy has done a fine job of extending a hand to you; she is your friend.

    Thank you for sharing your story.
    4tRACY520 likes this.

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