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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015

    Post I have a success story! I am Drug Free!!!!

    I sincerely am looking forward to telling my story of recovery and turning my addictive personality into becoming a successful businessman, husband, and wonderful father to my babies. No one truly understands what itís like to be an addict unless you are an addict yourself. I have really had an urge lately to tell my story when I was 23 year old which started around 2002. I went from being a senior network engineer, internet marketer, successful entrepreneur, married to a beautiful girl (who ended up being a major drug addict and low budget porn star), owning 2 homes, 2 boats and absolutely loving life in Ft. Lauderdale, FL to losing just about everything within a very short period of time because of my increasing urge to want to party almost every night. These habits eventually took their toll and prompted a really nasty divorce and before I knew it I was living in one of my childhoods friendís house which I learned was actually a crack house. I remember so clearly laying in my bed and looking up at the ceiling and saying out lout "I can't believe my life has come to this what the fuck happened to me? I simply do not want to live anymore I truly ruined my life" I tear up thinking about that moment because at that moment I truly couldn't think of one good reason why I should continue living." And even if I did how the hell is my life going to be now that I lost everything I worked so very hard for and was flat broke and no one by my side to reassure me. Oh and the distinct smell a burning plastic coming from the downstairs kitchen.( which I later learned was cocaine in the oven and my roommates were making a fresh batch of freebase) That night I fell asleep crying my eyes out saying this it what it feels like to be a complete scumbag loser and I had to come to terms that my not so distant successful previous life was nothing more than few pictures I couldn't bear to look at and memories of me and my ex-wife partying every night and blowing thousands of dollars a week in South Beach and crazy fetish parties, which ultimately lead me to where i was at that very moment. I was beyond sick to my stomach knowing that I had such a successful future ahead of me and now I laid there surrounded by crackheads cooking crack in the kitchen and stealing my clothes when I would go to the bathroom. When you hear people say ďI hit bottom", well this was my bottom of bottoms. My book will detail much more that happened which is truly something out of a movie, except it wasn't a movie it was looking like the end of my life. That same night when i finally took enough Xanax to put an elephant down I had this crazy dream that I was living in a mansion and owned a successful technology company again. But in the dream I had my mom and dad(which are both deceased) walk up to me and put their hands on my head and say, "Son, its time you stop thinking of how miserable your life is and start thinking about how to learn how to crave your cravings in life and your destiny awaits you) I'll never forget that night as it was my lowest low of my life and also the driving force of what happened the next day and on.(I go into great detail in my book how my life turned around that next day it truly was a miracle) Crave the Cravings eh...These words definitely made me think. What if I trained my brain to actually become addicted to the feeling of withdraw instead of letting that achy, sweaty, can't take another second feeling. You severely under estimate the power you have to put yourself in whatever mindset you want to. That afternoon I had one blue left and I looked at myself in the cracked mirror of the crack house i was staying in and I said, cheers this right here right now marks a new era for my life. I broke up that last pill on the counter and did one final line and said. I am officially done with drugs in my life. I don't know about any of you but for me there is no such thing as weening down or tapering off. Its either I stop completely and learn to crave the craving of withdraw symptoms or I would never stop doing drugs, period. I will admit at first all I could think about was how easy it would be to just get one pill and all these sweats, chills, roller coaster emotions, and everything else that follows severe withdraw would go away in a flash, BUT I truly started to train my mind to crave any and all feeling that the effects of withdraw had to been bearing down on me. I know everyone handles withdraw completely different than others but I will say there is a major mind element involved that you have the power to control. After 12 years of heavy use of blues, Adderall, white, and partying for days with no sleep I had this "Crave the Craving" mind game working so well for me that I actually started to enjoy feeling the effects of withdraw which is just NUTS. I'm not saying this is going to work for some or any of you but I am saying that if you truly in your heart of hearts want to quit using drugs or alcohol, and you really put your mind to it you will be absolutely shocked of what youíre capable of. Being a slave to a little blue pill is not a way to live your life. Itís always in the back of your mind making sure if youíre going somewhere that you have enough to last your trip and then when you start to run low the rat race starts over and over again. Itís pathetic and redundant and once you get over that fear of going through withdraw and your absolutely ready to stop, then your crave the craving moment will be upon you. Changing my entire life in ways that I thought were impossible at the time. Now, without getting too much into details fast forward 8 years from the time of that dream that most definitely saved my life. I now own a very successful software company, have a beautiful and wonderful wife who is my best friend on the planet and we 2 absolutely beautiful kids that no drug on earth could give me the euphoric feeling my family does. The bottom line is that the smallest deviations in your daily routine can truly change your entire life, as it did mine. I'm truly not here for anything other than to share my experiences, failures, more failures, depression, and also success stories throughout my road to sobriety. Don't get me wrong there's times when i get stressed out from work and the kids both yelling at each other and still to this day I think boy would it be so easy to take a little something to numb the stress and anxiety of this moment, but I wouldn't want it any other way. My kids and wife mean more to me than anything in a bottle and now to this day i use those same words from my dream, just in a different context. Both my parents died from drug and alcohol related deaths at a very early age and I can definitely see how addiction can be passed down in genes. But being honest with yourself and admitting you have an ailment is very healthy and therapeutic thing. I have learned that holding secrets like this inside only make things worse in the long run and will eventually eat you up. My road to recovery will never be fully over but just talking about how drugs have affected my entire life in such a dark way is therapeutic and lightens my soul. I felt so strongly about wanting to talk to other people going through struggles of addiction I decided to build a website that i put together from scratch for a community to chat with others going through similar life experiences. Being able to talk about your thoughts without being judged shows that youíre not alone if your quest to take your life back. Remember, ALL of us were NOT on drugs, until we were. My prayers for everyone going through what I went through is that one day you will be able to look back at your "moment of truth" and share your story just as I have been and continue to do. You never know who might read it and how many people you could give hope to. If one person reads my 100% true story and even thinks about a plan to get clean then I have done my job! My book will be finished Dec 2020 and Iím not holding back anything from the book so itís going to be one crazy read! Thank you for taking the time to read my story I was just going to write a quick intro about myself but the words just kept on coming lol.

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